


Dear Apartment Five

by blackandwhiteandrose



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Canon Compliant, David and Patrick have a very satisfying sex life, Epistolary, Humor, M/M, Neighbors, Patrick's new apartment, community message board, mention of Housewarming, season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:56:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28879101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackandwhiteandrose/pseuds/blackandwhiteandrose
Summary: Notes from the Community Message Board: the residents of Patrick's apartment building have a few thoughts/concerns to share about the newest neighbors.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 94
Kudos: 235





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The second chapter is the text-only version of the first chapter, which is only graphics.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> text only version of chapter one

Dear Apartment Five, HI! Welcome to the building. I know we haven’t met yet, so this might be awkward. But in the spirit of being good neighbors, I thought I should let you know the walls are, uh, pretty thin here. I’m really happy that you and your … partner (?) have such a fulfilling sex life, but I don’t need to know just HOW good it is. (Honestly, I’m already jealous. How did you manage to go THAT many times last night?) Anyway, just thought you should be aware.)

***

Guys in Apt 5:

Hey new guys! I’m excited there are some more younger people in the building now, but my dudes, you are going to have to either buy me sme new earbuds or look into a gag or something, because some of us have to sleep around here.

***

Dear Apartment Five-

Hello!! I saw you guys moving in and you are just the cutest couple!I think it’s going to be super fun to have you as neighbors! Do you like wine? We should totally have a wine night sometime! Maybe like a double date! Do either of you have brothers? Just asking, because you know a girl always has to be on the lookout! But really, if you know anyone, let me know. Even if it’s a past partner, because it sounds like you two know what you’re doing, if you know what I mean. (love) Apartment two

***

Hey A5 -

I am stoked someone new moved into that apartment b/c the last guy was a real douche. I don’t know if it’s one of you or two of you living there or whatever, but like, can you keep it the fuck down? And by that I mean keep it down when you’re fucking. Either way, one of you is SO DAMN LOUD. Like, good for you, but maybe take a break for a day or two, rehydrate, and get some WD-40 for that squeaky ass bed frame.

***

To the guys in Apt 5 that my girlfriend thinks are hot: 

Listening to Hearing you guys has done wonders for our sex life, because I feel like I have to make a respectable showing comparatively, but fuck, are you making me look bad. Really, what’s your secret to going ALL NIGHT? Vitamins? Viagra? Do you both go to the gym? Can you help a neighbor out?

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Okay, I am starting to feel really left out here. I guess I’m on the wrong end of the building? Or I’m not around at the “right” times, because I haven’t heard anything!!

I’ve been reading all these notes and I don’t know if it’s weird or not but I kinda feel like I’m missing out! I have not seen or met the new neighbor(s) but I want to because it really sounds like we have a #relationshipgoals situation here!

I am super happy you guys are enjoying your new place! I cannot wait to see and meet you both!

***

Dear Neighbors: Thank you for your very kind and understanding welcome to the building. We would like to sincerely apologize for any disturbances that we may have caused for you as we have settled in. We will certainly be more cognizant of the way sound carries throughout the building in the future. We look forward to officially meeting everyone very soon. We will be hosting a Housewarming party next weekend and all of you are invited. (Wear your pjs and bring your favorite drinks!) Patrick & David

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> All the random people in "Housewarming" have always bugged me, so I have decided they were all other residents of the building, wanting to get to know the new, very enthusiastic couple and try to figure out the secrets to their.... success.
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> \---------
> 
> Hey there, Delilah, thank you for being so supportive and for the #relationshipgoals!
> 
> Thank you TrueIllusion and Edie4711 for the encouragement!


End file.
